George was a sportsman who was driven to win. His drive also made him a great businessman; George bought the floundering franchise for $10 million in 1973, and now it's worth well over a billion. That growth occurred solely because George recreated the Yankee championship brand; if he had run the team on a spreadsheets-and-budget basis, they would just be another baseball team with a much lesser value. In other words, they would be the Mets.
Hal however has revealed himself as greedhead of epic proportions, with no interest in winning.
Gutty Gritty Yankees' investigative wing thus has been looking into ancestry records and other evidence to find out the true story of Hal's origins. We've been looking at likely descendants of a guy who must be one of Hal's ancestors: the murderer of the goose with the golden egg. Using that strategy, we have ruled out obvious suspects such as Bernie Madoff, Michael Milken, and Gordon Gekko.
But we have persevered, and recently had a break: a friend who chauffeurs for a limo service was stiffed by Hal with a chintzy 5-dollar tip. Our friend handed the five-spot to us, which allowed us to conduct some DNA testing.
So now we know, with 99.9% certainty, that Hal's biological father is a Bedford Falls, NY slumlord and banker named Henry F. Potter (shown below, lower left).
|Time-traveler Jimmy Stewart tells Henry Potter that his greedy douchebag son should sign Nick Swisher.|